Physical violence
Any physical force, or a threat of it: grabbing, blocking a door, throwing something, a hand raised.
What it looks like
- A grip on your arm during an argument, and a bruise you explain to yourself.
- Standing in the doorway so you cannot leave the room.
- Something thrown near you, followed by “I would never actually hurt you.”
Why it is easy to miss
The first time tends to come with a reason and a sorry, and it may not match the picture you had of what this looks like. So it gets a smaller name: an argument that got out of hand. The name is doing a lot of work.
What it is not
A loud argument where no one touched anyone. The line is physical: force on your body, or a credible threat of it, and it counts the first time.
What to do
- Your safety comes before any record. Get somewhere safe first.
- Tell someone today, and write down what happened and when, somewhere he cannot reach.
- Let a professional help you plan the next step, whatever you decide about the relationship.
Help that is there now
- If you are in danger right now, call 911.
- In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and confidential at any hour: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. They can help you make a safety plan.
- If he has access to your phone, keep that in mind before you write anything down, in Bondary or anywhere else.
How Bondary reads it
This is the one thing she does not analyze. If you tell her he put his hands on you, she names it as that, she stays with you, and she does not push you to decide anything that night. The entry is kept as you wrote it.
She does not weigh this against the good weeks, and she does not tell you what to do. What happens next is yours, and it does not have to be decided tonight.
Tell her about someone.
Bondary is an AI dating coach who's on your side. She keeps the record and gives you an honest weekly read. For iPhone.
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