Sexual coercion
Pressure for sex, or for something you said no to, until the no stops counting.
What it looks like
- Sulking, guilt, or “you don’t really love me” after a no.
- Pressure that continues the same night, as if the answer were a starting position.
- A line you set about what you are comfortable with, revisited every time.
Why it is easy to miss
It can be quiet, and it can come from someone who is kind the rest of the time. Because it is not force, it is easy to decide it was just persistence, or that you could have been clearer. You were clear. A no that has to be defended was heard the first time.
What it is not
Asking, and taking the answer. Wanting you is normal. The pattern is what happens after the no: whether it closes the subject or opens a campaign.
What to do
- Say the no once and do not add reasons. Reasons become things to argue with.
- Write down what was said after your no. Reading it back makes the direction clear.
- Tell one person you trust, in the plain words you would use for a friend.
Help that is there now
- In the US, RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline is free and confidential at any hour: call 1-800-656-4673 or chat at hotline.rainn.org. Coercion is something they talk through, whatever you decide to call it.
- If you are in danger right now, call 911.
How Bondary reads it
Coercion is a risk she names without softening, and the Vetting Score does not give it back for a good week elsewhere. Your entries about it stay in your words. She will say what she sees, and she will not tell you what you should have done.
She does not weigh this against the good weeks, and she does not tell you what to do. What happens next is yours, and it does not have to be decided tonight.
Tell her about someone.
Bondary is an AI dating coach who's on your side. She keeps the record and gives you an honest weekly read. For iPhone.
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