Stonewalling
Active withdrawal: refusing to engage with something you raised, and letting the silence do the punishing.
What it looks like
- You bring something up. He goes quiet for days. The subject is never discussed.
- Conversations that end mid-sentence when they get near the thing.
- Silence that lifts only once you stop asking.
Why it is easy to miss
Silence reads as giving him space, and you are a reasonable person who gives space. The question is whether the subject ever gets closed, or just outlasted.
What it is not
Asking for time to think and coming back to it. Time with a return is processing. Silence with no return is the pattern.
What to do
- Write down what you asked and what happened next, in plain words.
- Watch whether the subject ever gets closed, by either of you.
- Notice whether you have started avoiding topics to avoid the silence.
How Bondary reads it
This is where separating The Tape from Your Take matters most. The Tape says you asked, he went silent, it was never resolved. Your Take says he needs space. She shows you both, and lets you see how far apart they are.
She never tells you to leave. She shows you the pattern and the entries it came from, and the decision stays yours.
Tell her about someone.
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